Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Me, me, me, me, me........

Wednesday, and two days to go.  I have a huge ball of mixed emotions.  Not being able to run during the last three weeks is very discouraging, I'm doubting being able to do this. It was already scary enough venturing into the unknown strong and injury free, now with this it's like 10 times scarier. I don't want to do anything dumb, but then there's that part of me who wants this really bad that is willing to risk it? I've been thinking about a good enough reason to risk running this race and I'm not even sure I have a good reason to run this all together. We are planning on having a baby soon, and that was one of the reasons, a very selfish one "Let's have another baby, but first I need to run a marathon!" A little pathetic? Who does that? Maybe this injury is kind of my punishment for putting off bringing another soul into the world. What do I have to prove and to whom? It comes down to me wanting to do this, but again why? Someone told me dedicating their race to someone made all the difference. I've tried to think of someone to dedicate this to and can't think of anyone. So again, it comes down to ME. Selfish? Why do I have a hard time being OK with that? Why do I have a hard time with buying myself new shoes ( if I had bought them earlier I would have avoid this injury) Even paying for the registration fee, or sitting here resting my foot? Whatev's! The only good thing right now is that I get to eat pasta for the next three days!

1 comment:

  1. I think we all deal with the feelings you're having. Bottom line is that it's a balancing act we all do in our lives. And I know for me that if I can run I come home a better wife and mother. Setting goals and achieving them does something for your spirit. It makes the impossible seem possible and that can help in all the other aspects of our lives. This marathon will change you. It will be good for you. Don't beat yourself up!